


Summer

by artist_artists



Series: Clumsy, Instead 'verse [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-30
Updated: 2013-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-21 19:52:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/904226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artist_artists/pseuds/artist_artists
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Finn's death, things change for Kurt and Sebastian. Part of the Clumsy, Instead 'verse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Summer

**Author's Note:**

> This fic deals with the aftermath of Finn's death (the time most focused on is about two months after it happens, so the actual death and how it happened is not really talked about, it's already in the past). It's about grief, and while I don't think it's overwhelmingly sad, I'm also not the best judge of that. If you think reading about this will make you uncomfortable, please don't. Even if you really like the 'verse, it's not a necessary part of it, since at this time I don't think I'll be writing another long fic for it. You can just leave the story where it ended and be perfectly fine. This fic takes place in May, and the last part of the 'verse I posted ended in December, about five months before this. 
> 
> This fic is really just something I had to get out before I could move on to anything else. Cory died very shortly after my mother did, so it's kind of been a summer full of grief for me thus far, and for some reason, this is how much brain chose to deal with it. It might not make sense to anyone but me. The fic is in Sebastian's POV. I tried reading it over, but got about two sentences in before I gave up, so... I do apologize if there are any typos.

It feels strange, standing on the front porch of Kurt’s parents’ house, ringing the doorbell.

Sebastian thinks the last time it happened may have been last summer, when Kurt invited him to that party. Sebastian has been here since, though, a few times over winter break, and back in March when Finn died, but Kurt’s always been there to open the door before he has to ring the bell. Sebastian texted him a few minutes ago, but he’s gotten no reply. He knows Kurt’s here. They’d texted for a bit as soon as Sebastian’s plane landed a few hours ago, and Kurt knew he was coming over as soon as he had dinner with his dad and Jane and dropped off his stuff.

“He might have fallen asleep,” Carole tells Sebastian as she lets him in. “He hasn’t been downstairs since dinner.”

Sebastian thanks her before heading for the stairs, but he’s careful to avoid her eyes. Carole’s great, he likes her a lot, but it’s easier to pretend there’s nothing wrong, that’s she’s still smiling as bright and warm as she did last winter, when he keeps his gaze lowered. As selfish as it is, he’d really been hoping he could avoid Kurt’s parents tonight. Tonight, and for the rest of the summer, if at all possible.

A soft knock on Kurt’s bedroom door gets no response, and when Sebastian enters, he sees his boyfriend curled up on the bed, asleep. It’s only eight o’clock, and Sebastian knows Kurt only passed out because he’s been sleeping so little at night, but he tries to focus on the positives. _At least Kurt got dressed today. At least he’s getting some sleep. At least I’m here now._

It’s been three weeks since Sebastian’s been back here. The quick weekend visit in April had been the only time since the funeral he’d been able to get back to Ohio. Kurt had been a mess then, way worse than he’d been right after it happened, and when Sebastian headed back to the airport on Sunday night, he’d been equal parts happy to get away and terrified to leave Kurt behind like that.

_At least I’m here._ The thought makes Sebastian roll his eyes. He doesn’t even know if it does more harm than good, him being here, but he still feels guilty about spending so much of the past few months away from Kurt. He had to finish the semester, he had no choice, he did what he could, but... did he? Did he really? Would a better boyfriend have come back here along with Kurt, taken incompletes for all of his classes? Maybe, but a better boyfriend would probably also know how to make Kurt feel better. Would Blaine have done better? The question’s been plaguing Sebastian for months. He knows the answer is yes.

Kurt spends a lot of time with Blaine now, and Sebastian hates how jealous it makes him feel. It’s stupid, because he trusts Kurt, and they’re always with Sam and Tina, anyway, but it still hurts, and it hurts that it hurts, because it’s just another reminder that he wasn’t really ready for this commitment. Having a boyfriend was easy when things were good, but Sebastian sucks when things get tough. Kurt’s his first boyfriend, and the only boyfriend he can imagine wanting for the foreseeable future (‘forever,’ he lets himself think sometimes), but since Christmas, things have been tougher than Sebastian ever expected. He’s been feeling entirely inadequate since Kurt found out about his father’s cancer diagnosis. Kurt had considered coming back to Ohio when he heard, to stay with his father through the spring and summer and then return to start classes at NYADA in the fall, but it didn’t happen. Sebastian hadn’t been the only one dissuading him, and he’d thought staying in New York would be best for Kurt, but he wasn’t being selfless. Sebastian’s never selfless, doesn’t know how to be. If he had his way, Kurt wouldn’t have stayed here after Finn died, either. They’d be in New York still, sharing Sebastian’s bed, making plans for Kurt to move in, trying new restaurants, hanging out with friends, finding distraction in any way they can. Here, there’s nothing but constant reminders of what Kurt has lost, and all of their plans for fall are up in the air. Sebastian’s not even sure that Kurt still plans on coming back to New York to start school in the fall, or if he’s come to a final decision about moving into Sebastian’s apartment so that Blaine can take his place in the loft. Sebastian’s afraid to ask, and ashamed that he’s even thinking of things like this when Kurt is going through so much.

They’ll have time to talk later, tomorrow and for the rest of the summer, and Kurt needs to sleep, so Sebastian doesn’t wake him up. He’s quiet as he sets down his overnight bag and pulls out his laptop, but when he turns back toward the bed, Kurt’s eyes are open.

“Sorry,” Sebastian says. “I was trying to be quiet so I wouldn’t wake you up.”

Kurt raises an eyebrow. “You were going to let me keep sleeping in my clothes? Worst boyfriend ever.” The small, teasing smile on Kurt’s face tells Sebastian it’s a joke. Kurt wouldn’t say that seriously, even if it were true. It feels true, though, especially lately. Sebastian’s spent a lot of time in the past few months feeling inadequate.

“I figured you could use the sleep.”

Kurt wrinkles his nose, but doesn’t move. “No. It feels like all I do is lie around in bed.”

Sebastian doesn’t argue. “Well, it will be more fun now that I’m here. We should get changed. I’m pretty tired, too, so...”

“In a little while,” Kurt says, finally pulling himself into a sitting position. He holds out his arms and motions for Sebastian to join him. “C’mere.”

Sebastian hasn’t known the right thing to say for weeks now, but this part, the touching, is still easy. They hug for a full minute, clutching each other tightly, before Kurt pulls back and kisses him. It feels desperate, even though it’s a beginning and not an end. Sebastian will be here all summer, they’ll be close, and he can’t foresee any circumstance that would keep them apart for even one day, let alone three full weeks. The three weeks since Sebastian’s been here have felt like an eternity. Trying to deal with final exams, papers, Santana’s new obsession with him, on top of the physical and emotional distance from Kurt, has been a nightmare.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Kurt tells him when they’re lying down a few minutes later, still dressed and holding each other close.

“Me too.” Sebastian already feels calmer than he’s felt in weeks. If Kurt lets him, he’ll hold on long enough to make up for the past few months, all the times he watched Kurt lie about being fine over Skype but couldn’t reach through the screen to touch him, all the times Kurt called him late at night, drunk on exhaustion and plagued by worries about his parents splitting up, or how he’s never going to have nieces and nephews now, and Sebastian couldn’t pull him close and try and calm him down enough to sleep.

“I went to the Lima Bean today,” Kurt says after a moment of comfortable silence. “Elaine said she’d be happy to hire me for the summer again. I don’t know how many hours it will be, but... I should at least be saving some money. It’ll be a lot harder for me to work once I start classes.”

Sebastian can’t hold back a small sigh of relief at Kurt’s mention of the fall. “I think that’s great.”

“It’s a terrible job. I hated it.”

“Kurt, it pains me that you have such bad memories of your time working there,” Sebastian teases. “Was our courtship _that_ terrible for you? I rather enjoyed it.”

“Sadly, I don’t think anyone will be courting me this summer.”

“ _Sadly,_ huh?” Sebastian nudges Kurt with his elbow, making him laugh. It’s music to Sebastian’s ears.

“It won’t be as fun without you there,” Kurt says.

“I can come bug you like I used to,” promises Sebastian. “I can only spend so much time with my dad and Jane before it gets nauseating.”

“I know this isn’t how we planned on spending the summer,” Kurt says, the last remnants of his smile fading.

Sebastian squeezes him a little tighter, but as usual, his words are a mess. “It’ll be good. Or... um, as good as it can be right now.”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt murmurs. “I know I’ve kind of been falling apart.”

Sebastian pulls back a bit so he can look Kurt in the eye. “You’re allowed, don’t apologize. And we’re spending the summer together, so it’s still pretty much what we planned, right? Us being in the same place is really all that matters to me.”

Kurt huffs out a laugh. “So corny.”

“I mean it,” Sebastian insists with a grin. It wasn’t meant to make Kurt laugh, but he’ll take what he can get.

“I know.” Kurt gazes up at him, eyes fond and warm. “I just can’t believe that I’ve managed to get _Sebastian Smythe_ to say stuff like that and mean it.”

“You’re a miracle worker.”

“I am,” Kurt agrees. He’s quiet for a moment, and the teasing grin has disappeared by the time he adds, “You are, too, you know.”

Sebastian can feel a lump forming in his throat, but it’s probably better he doesn’t try to ruin this rare moment of relief, contentment, _hope_ , with words, anyway. For now, he just holds Kurt a little tighter.


End file.
